Simply a Child of God

Disclaimer: I am not and have never been against the regular attendance of a healthy bible-teaching church. I have simply been overwhelmed by the inexhaustible complexities of being committed to tradition and hard-core discipline, as opposed to the carefreeness of enjoying Christ and the spontaneity of the Holy Spirit.

Here We Go:

It’s been long since I last mustered up the courage to openly confess the wounds lingering in my heart with regard to organized religion, and things of the like. I cannot explain this deep disconnect I feel toward the concept of pledging some sort of allegiance to a particular denomination or even church—not that I would ever preach that doing so is wrong, it’s just that my heart is so repulsed by it. It has caused so much pain.

I know that I am not alone in terms of the amount of people who share this sentiment with me, but the fact of leaving it all out in the open really begs the question of why/how I am so burdened about the spreading of the gospel and living a life of ministry unto Christ and His people. To which the only respond I have is that, that I did not call me to do anything. Jesus called me and I surrendered. He poured all the love and mercy into my heart. He allowed me to suffer, suffer, and suffer more, to the point where I began to posses an insatiable thirst for healing, and sharing how Christ has comforted me.

Just as Corrie Ten Boom says in her book The Hiding Place: “There is not pit so deep that Christ’s love is not deeper still,” and I know that it surpasses all that I do not understand about the denominational constructs, and other theological principles. I do however know him personally, and I have been set free from myself by the mercies of his love.


I know what you’re thinking. This already sounds sort of sack-religious, and perhaps even disingenuous. Perhaps—you’re thinking, “she’s in some sort of spiritual haze and has lost her identity in Christ.” What I need you to understand is that what I am experiencing is quite the opposite. I feel so keenly in touch with my identity in Christ, as a daughter redeemed by the precious blood of Jesus, that everything else feels confusing, and lacking in simplicity. This is not to downplay the importance of fellowship, for it says plainly in Hebrews not to forsake the assembly of believers. I simply cannot wholly bow to a particular doctrine. I can’t do it.

What I Have Found:

The gentle whispers of acceptance, freedom and truth, that the Holy Spirit speaks to me do not frequently align with the latent messages communicated in organized religion that you have to really understand everything, and follow a rigid set of guidelines for living or else be condemned, both in this life and in the next. It’s not always explicitly stated, but I never feel more accepted, whole, or regenerated than in the presence of the Holy Spirit. Perhaps it was meant to be that way.

It is possibly my very own thorn of flesh that I do not understand why people pledge themselves to a particular doctrine and feel thus edified in doing so. I do not understand how Christians lump themselves into categories saying “these are my people, and these are not my people.” All I know is the sweet person of Jesus, the power of the gospel and the infallible word of God. I stand on it. It protects me. It is my guard, and shield from any schemes of the evil one…but anything outside of that, I do not know.

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Modes of Self-Expression

  1. Inspiration Ebbs and flows like waves of the sea:

    I am learning that there are different ways of expressing oneself and that being one way all the time is not always necessary, or possible, or realistic. It’s so lacking in color or character. Jaded.

    Sometimes we need a stretch out of the mundane, and ordinary and into a realm of utter creativity. What do you dream of? Can you bring it to life on paper by or means of watercolors, or a beloved pencil that’s been waiting for you to pick it up and take it on a journey?

    Yes. And if not that’s ok. Maybe today you feel like cutting holes in your jeans because it’s more comfortable to you that way, or hip. Or, maybe you just don’t feel like eating pepperonis on your pizza. I’m just stabbing at it because I don’t know where you are. Aren’t we all just stabbing at it?

  2. Mood changes with the weather but Jesus does not

One day you may feel normal and the next day not so much. Either way, you are perfectly normal. You are perfectly human, which means perfectly broken. It’s okay not to be ok. It leaves more room to lean on Christ and find that He can fill the empty, make up for your shortcomings and be your anchor, steadying you in every season. He is the Lord that calmed that winds and waves. Even still he is by your side, holding your hand, leaning in and whispering “Be Still”. You don’t have to go to war all the time, and pace back and forth each morning asking yourself what mask you’ll wear today. Don’t you know that by tomorrow both you and it will be worn out. Rest in Jesus (Mathews 11:28).

I’m asking you to be yourself.

3. You are not alone.

Emmanuel means “God with us”, because Jesus was God incarnate. He was born into this world, as a humble little baby in a manger in Bethlehem because He loves you enough, because you matter. The things that make you hurt make him hurt. He is reaching out for your hand. You can trust it in His. His heart beats for the same things your heart beats for, and His breath pants for the same things that wear you out. He is hurting for God-separated humanity and is thirsty for your affection. Turn and be healed. I promise He’s safe.

4. Time is Everything

There is something that won’t work out that you keep trying to force. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be. Maybe it’s just not time. Remember: He hurts for what hurts you, but He will not give you something good before it’s time. If He isn’t giving it then now then right now it isn’t Good. Only are things good when given in His time. Timing is everything.

5. Let Go

Open those palms face up and surrender. All this will make sense when you let go. Let go of your pride, lay down your guard, and cry those tears you’ve been holding back for years. Let it out. Let it go. Let your heart-beat synchronize with his, and enter into his gates with praise and thanksgiving for another day of living, another day of beholding the King. Another day of revelation. He loves you. He calls you his own. You are enough for Him.

With Grace,

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