This 21sr day of January 2023 is my last day of work for a while. I am not only quitting my job as a barista at Panera Bread, but I am resting from all forms of formal employment on account of my mental deterioration.
“How have things been?” you ask. Oh, well you know I’ve just been dissociating so frequently that I’m pretty much dysfunctional on most work days, engaging in forms of self-harm and having thoughts of taking my life. I recently self-admitted into a Crisis Stabilization Clinic for my symptoms, and was told by the in-patient Psychiatrist that there were no necessary adjustments to be made to medication and that I needed only to “ride the wave of my symptoms.” My outpatient psychiatrist’s medical recommendations have pretty much been on the same wave-length, and the outcome of their doing nothing has lead me to the conclusion that I need to prepare for my symptoms to get worse.
So that’s where we are. I’m pretty much expecting myself to completely break down in the coming weeks, which is scary for me because I have a history of suicidal attempts, extreme paranoia, and psychosomatic symptoms such as chronic pain. I’m nervous. I’m asking for prayers. I need you guys.
Whew. Thanks for letting me be vulnerable. You all know that I created this space because I love the Lord, but even I get weak in my faith. Also, the Lord recently reminded me that he too needed others. Not even he carried his cross alone. Let that sit.
If you’re feeling like you’re stuck in a rut or just need some prayer, then feel free to comment or email me and I will pray alongside you! The Lord’s peace be with us.
Leave a Reply