The reality has been that holding on to my concept of what my life should look like, has never had the power to overrule the sovereign will of God. I know that I can trust him.
What if I am never healed from this debilitating series of mental illnesses? My response to this notion is that healing has never been limited to the removal of an ailment or the eradication of a thorn of flesh. Healing is an intimate walk with Jesus, and is a lifelong process of surrender.
When I lay alone in hospital beds wondering if endless panic attacks will cease, I surrender. When at home in the mix of a daily routine and feeling once and for all totally human, and triggers of PTSD threaten, I surrender. When despair beckons and chronic depression mixed with thoughts of suicide usher me once again into hospital doors, I surrender.
A pope once said: “Healing is the entire content of what Jesus came to do.”
“To bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of despair.” –Isaiah 61:3
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